Unofficial rules for the base
by MISCrasyaboutfanfics
Summary: yes, this has been done before however, this will be more of a story and not just the big list of rules. Sequel to Transformers: Lavender's story so to speak. Disclaimer: I do not own Transformers, just my human and Cybertronian OCs.
1. Chapter 1

Unofficial rules for the base

Lisa Wilson sighed as she wrote down these rules for Optimus and Prowl. Well, at least it was something to do since she was having an artist's block when it came to her artwork:

_Rule 1. The Knockout Round on the game show BrainSurge is not named after the Decepticon medic so stop telling new Autobots that it is._

_Rule 2. Speaking of Nickelodeon game shows, you are not allowed to make your own green slime and dump it on somebody._

Lisa shuddered; the second rule only existed because of Sideswipe and Sunstreaker's latest prank which had been pulled on Lavender albeit accidentally. Still, they got into trouble for it regardless of that fact…

_Rule 3. My siblings and I will go to bed on time each night; Brandon is to go to bed at 9:00 p.m. and the rest of us kids who are under 18 need to go to bed at 9:30; we may go to bed half an hour later on weekends and vacations from school and Lauren, Terry and Kyle will go to bed whenever they want when they're visiting since they are over 18._

_Rule 4. Please be careful about where you use profanity or who you use it around, whether in English or Cybertronian. We don't want Jazz and Emerald's sparkling picking up any bad habits._

Of course, those 2 are obvious ones, the redheaded human girl thought to herself. 6 more rules to turn into Prowl and she would have to write more when weird incidents happened.

_Rule 5. No one is to interrupt any Autobot's alone time with his or her significant other unless it's an emergency._

_Rule 6 All Autobots caught speeding need to come up with their own money to pay for speeding tickets or any other tickets issued for any other traffic violations. Note: please get this money legally._

_Rule 7. No movies about airline disasters should be watched when Jetfire and the Aerialbots are present for obvious reasons. _

_Rule 8. Any Autobots who are asked by someone other than one of us Wilson siblings about Cybertronian reproduction need to ignore the question or say that it's not a polite subject to talk about (even though sex related things are less awkward for Cybertronians to talk about in general)._

_Rule 9. Ratchet, Lavender or First Aid will tell all of us human females that are on base when we get that time of the month but are not allowed to tell the rest of you._

_Rule 10. To go with the above rule, Autobots do not worry when Lauren, myself, Darcy, Marcy or Kayla is dealing that specific situation since it's going to be normal for us until we get too old to have kids. Ask one of the 3 medics on base for more information if you're confused._

"Well, that should do it for now." Lisa commented as she moved her wheelchair to get herself out of her bedroom and to Prowl's office. When she got there, she knocked on the door. Prowl opened said door and allowed Lisa to wheel herself inside before closing it behind her.

"I take it you have completed the list of rules?" he asked.

"Yes I did complete the list." The human girl replied, handing to him. "It's a good thing you can read English as well as you speak it."

Prowl read over the list; it wasn't too bad but he had to shudder at the last 2. He really did not want to deal with pissed off human femmes. "I approve of all of these rules, Lisa; just note that you may need to write more at some point."

"I've already made note of that and thank you." Lisa answered politely. "May I leave now?"

"Yes you may leave." The Autobot second in command told her.

Lisa wheeled herself out of Prowl's office, making sure not to bump her wheelchair into anything, and wondering what other kind of trouble could 'bots and humans get into…


	2. Chapter 2

Unofficial rules for the base chapter 2

Lisa sighed sadly; she wasn't sure why everyone had caused her to type more rules but she would do so. She was the only one of the Wilson siblings who was patient enough to and thus began typing on her laptop while sitting in her room.

_11. Anyone who listens to music needs to keep it at a reasonable volume, preferably so that he or she is the only one who hears it._

_12. Running away from your appointments with Ratchet, First Aid, or Lavender, no matter how far you go, is inadvisable. Everyone is to go to their medical appointments on time and not have the rest of us waste our time looking for you._

Rule number twelve only existed because Sunstreaker and Sideswipe had gotten a hold of Marcy's Calvin and Hobbes books and had seen the one comic strip where Calvin thought "I'm going to run away to Alaska". Of course, said twins did run away to that state the night before their appointment; Optimus found them after about 2 hours since they got too cold to bother with hiding their energy signatures and both twins were once again in the brig. Lisa sighed and muttered "How could the twins be that stupid?" before typing up more rules.

_13. All new recruits are forbidden to look down on Lisa or anyone other human who has a physical or mental handicap. We do not want to be sued for discrimination and it is just plain mean to judge someone before getting to know them._

_14. Illegal substances, whether human or Cybertronian made, are prohibited. Anyone caught with them will face the appropriate punishment._

_15. You are also not allowed to spike energon or any human's drink with the above substances or anything else for that matter. _

_16. Alcohol is not allowed on base until such a time that all of us human Wilson siblings are over the age of 21 and make a promise to drink responsibly. High grade energon is only allowed when my siblings and I are going to be gone for more than one day on a vacation._

_17. All Autobots are forbidden from playing board games, playing video games, browsing the Internet, and watching television while on duty. _

_18. Human and Cybertronian pornography is forbidden since Ratchet, Lavender and First Aid spent a whole week ridding the rest of the Autobots of viruses plus no one needs to see Cybertronian or human sexual acts or anything else of a private nature._

"Whose idea was it to let the Autobots look up pictures of naked humans anyways?" Lisa asked out loud, not aware that Sunstreaker was walking outside of her room.

"Is there anything wrong with seeing if any human femmes are anywhere close to as good looking as I am?" the yellow 'bot asked as he walked in.

"You could have at least looked at pictures of humans who actually had clothes on instead of going to a porn site!" Lisa shouted. "Optimus had to make sure us kids hadn't seen it; thankfully, we didn't or you would have been in worse trouble. What are you doing in here anyway?"

"Prowl wants me to let you know that he's got a few more things he wants you to add to your list." Sunstreaker handed the piece of paper full of suggestions to the redheaded girl.

"What did you do this time?" she asked.

"Let's just say you miss so much when you're in school or spending time with your friends." Sunstreaker said in a mysterious tone of voice before slipping out of the room and closing the door behind him.

Lisa sighed as she continued typing.

_19. If you want to know how human reproduction works, ask one of the on base medics. Be warned that you will not be able to look at humans the same way again._

_20. Autobots, you may go to a car wash to get cleaned if all of the washracks are in use but only if said carwash is open and Sunstreaker, do not brag about the gorgeous human femmes who have waxed you afterwards._

_21. My siblings and I are only allowed fast food and other junk food on holidays, our birthdays or some other day designated as a special occasion. Otherwise, we must eat healthy foods, whether we're on base or at school or anywhere else off base._

_22. All movies must be watched by Optimus Prime and Elita One in private beforehand if they are to be shown on our twice a month Movie Night. We do not want to cause anyone to think a fictional situation is real. Horror movies are completely forbidden though due to their abilities to give humans nightmares._

"Geez Optimus, you ruined all the fun only because Kyle insisted on watching _Psycho_ and you insisted on giving us kids baths like we were infants due to being worried about the shower scene being repeated in real life." Lisa muttered to herself, remembering that particular incident and how embarrassing it all was.

_23. No unbonded mech is allowed to stare at Lavender's breastplate when she's working on you; she's there to fix you up, not give you something to look it. Also, Jetfire will get very jealous._

_24. Uploading videos of you doing stupid stuff onto YouTube or any other video sharing site is forbidden. We do not want other humans to know what goes on here thank you very much; also, it will only provide the Decepticons with blackmail material._

_25. If a human thinks an Autobot's human holoform is attractive and asks that said Autobot be the father/mother of their children that Autobot should politely decline. Humans and Transformers are 2 different species and are not able to reproduce with each other._

_26. Autobots, you are forbidden to street race or to get over-energized on high grade energon before going out to drive. Once again, this is partially because we don't want to be sued but mainly because both are dangerous to you and humans._

_27. If a phone call comes in for Optimus and he is not available, ask to take a message. Don't hang up on the other person._

_28. Speaking of phones, prank calling is not allowed. Autobots who are caught doing it will be confined to base for two days; humans who do it will have their cell phones confiscated for at least the same amount of time. Obscene phone calls are also not allowed._

_29. Aerialbots, you are not to copy the stunts you see human pilots performing at air shows; ask them to teach you before doing so if you really want to know how to do those said stunts._

_30. No Autobot will be allowed to put a potato or anything else in another 'bots tailpipe. No humans are allowed to shove things up their rear ends either; Ratchet has informed my brother Kyle and the rest of us kids that we will be going to a human hospital if something similar to the "light bulb incident" happens (which will be explained to you on the next page of these rules; you are not to speak about it)._

"And he only put light bulbs up his aft because his stupid friends dared him to do it." Lisa sighed as she remembered the lecture Ratchet had given everyone after Kyle had come back home.

With that done, the list was delivered to Prowl, who looked at it after the human girl had left his office. He shuddered as he remembered how loudly Ratchet had yelled at Kyle in front of everyone else and the prank the twins pulled on Prime with Marcy's help…

(Flashback)

"How could you do such a thing? You could have bled to death if I hadn't gotten to you!" the chief medical officer yelled at the teenage human. "Not to mention the problems you'd have with your digestive tract! The next time you do this kind of stunt, you are going to a human hospital to have it taken care of and that goes for your siblings as well!"

The other kids nervously laughed at the fact that Kyle was being humiliated like this until Ratchet said the last thing and then most of them stopped. Marcy kept giggling silently and gave a signal to Sideswipe and Sunstreaker, who transformed into vehicle mode. Sideswipe opened one of his doors and the human girl got into the passenger's seat.

Optimus came in to see what the yelling was about. The Autobot leader had pulled in in vehicle mode. "Ratchet, I require some assistance. It seems someone has put potatoes in my tailpipe but I am unsure as to who would do such a thing."

"First Aid, I need you to assist our Prime." Ratchet stated. He saw the twins driving off with Marcy and laughing a bit. He chased after them. "All 3 of you get back here!"

Soon the twins and Marcy were out of the base and out of Ratchet's sight, still laughing.

"Oh boy, that was priceless how Prime was so confused!" Sideswipe commented.

"I agree bro; just make sure he doesn't find us for a few hours." Sunstreaker pointed out.

The twins started speeding towards McDonald's; Sideswipe went into the drive-thru with Marcy, who ordered large sized fries which she began eating soon after paying for them and getting out of said drive-thru.

The 2 'bots and the one human tried to hide in the woods but they couldn't remain hidden for long; it was about an hour later when they were found by Prowl.

"Uh, we can explain!" Sides quickly said.

"All 3 of you are in trouble and I think that it only fits that all of you will be punished in front of everyone since someone here was laughing while her brother was being punished the same way." Prowl informed them.

Marcy was ashamed of herself now and even more so when she was being lectured in front of everyone that night in the main room. Sideswipe and Sunstreaker had already been lectured and their punishment was helping Prowl to file data pads starting the next day.

"Marcella Louisa Wilson Prime, you did a few things that have gotten you into a lot of trouble." Optimus Prime sternly told her. "The first was giving Sideswipe and Sunstreaker an idea for a prank intentionally, the second participating in said prank resulting in the waste of food and damage to me. The third thing was leaving base without permission and in the process, eating junk food when it was not a holiday, your birthday or another special occasion. I am very disappointed that you did all of those things and you are very fortunate that it was Prowl who found you rather than Barricade or another Decepticon. Do you understand all of this?"

"Yes sir." The human teenager replied, looking down in shame.

"Prime could have been badly damaged but luckily it all was minor." Ironhide added. "We are very lucky to have Ratchet, First Aid and Lavender to take care of him and everyone else here."

"As a result of this Marcella, you are grounded for 5 days except for mealtimes, school and going to church with your cell phone, television, Internet and video game privileges revoked during that time." The Autobot leader finished. "Let this be a lesson to the rest of you children as well or I will also lecture you in front of everyone else. Autobots, do you have any objections to this punishment?"

Every other Autobot said "no".

"Then this meeting is dismissed and everyone may return to their duties." Optimus Prime announced.

Everyone left the room finally and no other incident happened for some time after this…

(End flashback)

Prowl finished looking over the rules and was just about to go into his quarters to recharge when-

"There's a spider in my room!" Kayla screamed loudly.

When the Autobot second in command checked it out, he found Sunstreaker laughing as the youngest girl of the Wilson family begged "Please tell me it isn't real."

"The spider is just a hologram." Prowl informed her. "Sunstreaker, out of this room or I will have Prime personally punish you."

"I know I said Sideswipe and I wouldn't prank the kids but I couldn't resist seeing what would happen." The yellow 'bot insisted as he went off with the second in command of the Autobots following him…


	3. Chapter 3

Unofficial rules for the base chapter 3

"Sunstreaker, why must you make my life miserable and have to make me type more of these rules?" Lisa complained as she sat in the main room typing said rules on her laptop. "Same thing for you Sideswipe."

"Hey, pranking's what we do." Sunstreaker pointed out. "And it's not our fault that Wheeljack wants to find a way to make some things from movies real."

Yes, it had been very recently that Wheeljack, the former Wrecker, had arrived with Chromia, who was tough as nails and a match for Ironhide hence one reason why they were sparkmates. Lisa liked Chromia though and had a lot of respect for her. Still, she didn't comment on anything to the twins and continued typing up rules.

_31. No making holograms of animals that scare humans. The real things are bad enough._

_32. Banana peels are to be put in the garbage, not on the floor. Yes, it's impossible to slip on just one of them as proved by the Mythbusters, but when several of them are on the floor, it can cause a human or an Autobot to slip._

_33. The above rule also applies to bubblegum. Ratchet's tired of having himself, First Aid or Lavender scrape said bubblegum off of Autobots._

_34. Wheeljack is not allowed to copy the experiments done on Mythbusters._

"Of course; he had to try the diet coke and Mentos experiment on a very large scale." Lisa commented sarcastically.

"It was awesome though!" Sideswipe argued.

_35. Humans, be careful of what kind of hyperbole you use. Some of it may accidentally be taken literally by the Autobots._

_36. Toilet paper is not an appropriate decoration._

_37. Yes, Marcy you may get a job at McDonald's after you turn 14 but please do not bring a whole bunch of leftover food home; just one or 2 items please._

_38. No painting the base or the Ark without permission. And don't paint other Autobots while they're sleeping, Sideswipe and Sunstreaker and everone else._

_39. Silly String, Play-Doh and Floam are restricted to us Wilson siblings if we're allowed to have them at all. Autobots, you are not allowed to use them to pull pranks._

_40. Autobots, no talking about your ahem, activities done behind closed doors when my siblings and I are present. We do not want to be scarred by hearing that kind of talk._

"Well, that should do it." The redhead human girl said to herself. Soon, the list was turned into Prowl and Lisa was doing her homework, wondering if anyone would actually obey these rules…

It was later that night that Lisa rolled into Optimus Prime's office as she wanted to talk to her adopted father. She had just recieved a phone call from Michelle, her older sister Lauren's friend and it worried her. "Optimus, Michelle is at McDonald's drowning her sorrows in fries, chicken nuggets and soda; she wanted me to ask if you could pick her up. She was kicked out of home but wouldn't give me any details other than that." she explained.

"I will go and bring her to base; she will be safer here seeing as the Decepticons have started to become more active." The Autobot leader reassured his adopted daughter. He got up from his desk and followed Lisa out to the main room and then commed the other Autobots to tell them where he was going before leaving the Wilson siblings and Autobots wondering what was going on as he transformed and drove out of base...


	4. Chapter 4

Unofficial rules for the base chapter 4

Author's note: Before anyone says anything about this chapter, I will let you know a few things. I do not write slash fan fiction and I'm on the fence regarding rights for the LGBTQ community. I will not judge you or anyone based on sexuality however and I know that the Autobots wouldn't either hence why I decided to have Michelle be my first OC that's not straight. That said, I hope you enjoy this chapter and the rules in it.

It was sometime later that Optimus had come back with Michelle, who was sobbing profusely and had not wanted to talk while on the drive there. Everybody except for Prowl stopped their duties to see what was going on.

"Guys, I told my parents that I'm bisexual and they didn't take it well." She explained sadly when Bumblebee asked. "I know I shouldn't ask to stay here but I can't think of anywhere else to go even if you don't accept me after me telling you this."

"Michelle, we are not going to judge you based on your sexual orientation." Elita One informed the human woman, giving her a reassuring smile. "You are still a very good friend and ally despite it. I know that Lauren will not judge you either when you tell her."

"God loves you just as much as he loves those who are straight." Kayla added giving the older college-aged girl a hug.

Michelle was shocked. "You guys are really that accepting of someone like me?"

"We do not judge someone based on one simple detail about what they are like." Optimus Prime said in his reassuring baritone voice. "On Cybertron, there were a few who had different sexual orientations much like humans do and while there was some hostility towards them, most if not all Cybertronians became accepting of them as time went on. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings regardless of age, ability, or sexual orientation and you are free to stay here as long as you like and may use Lauren's room as your sleeping space if you wish."

"Thank you Optimus, thank you." The oldest human present said.

Soon, Michelle was shown the room she was sleeping in and given some dinner. Prowl was informed of what was happening and Lauren got a phone call from her best friend about the whole thing.

"I don't mind at all; you're still an awesome person." The human singer told her best friend. "Never forget that no matter what and yes, you may sleep in my room while you're on base."

It was a long time before Michelle and her parents smoothed things over though the former did not move back in with them. Instead, she decided to remain on base until she was sure of what she wanted to do with her life and became witness to some of the crazy shenanigans.

(A few days later)

Another set of rules to write, Lisa thought to herself as she sat at her computer.

"Hey Lisa, Prowl said I should take a turn and give you a break." Darcy said.

"All right; go ahead and type these." The redhead handed her laptop to her younger sister, who sat on the sofa with it and began typing.

_41. Optimus and Elita have asked me to inform you that if you do anything to harm any of us kids that they will take matters into their own hands._

_42. No one is to joke about body parts._

_43. The game Truth or Dare is forbidden since Sideswipe and Sunstreaker keep daring everyone to do unethical and stupid things. _

_44. Ratchet has asked me to inform you that if he finds any tools stolen, he will weld you to the wall._

_45. Autobot mechs you are not to use Viagra or Cialis; both will make you sick rather than make lovey-dovey time with your significant other better._

_46. To go with the above rule, no Autobot mech or femme is allowed to have human made sex toys because they won't work on you and for moral reasons._

"I remember how badly Ratchet reacted when Sunstreaker tried to do what rule 45 forbids." Lisa said shuddering. "I never want to smell cyber-vomit again."

"I agree; Ratchet had to give us gas masks until it was cleaned up." Darcy added before continuing typing.

_47. Please don't ask "are we there yet?" when we're on the road; it's really annoying to everyone._

_48. No one is to fake being sick or injured; our team medics will know that you're lying._

_49. Please treat Michelle with respect; she's had a lot to deal with and does not want to be judged before you get to know her._

_50. No one is to paint anything or any Autobot without permission. Also, everyone else is to not touch Sunstreaker's paint. _

"Well there you have it." Darcy said as she finished typing and saved the document. "Do you want me to print it and take it to Prowl or do you want to?"

"I'll take it to him." Lisa replied.

As soon as the document was printed, the redheaded girl took it to Prowl and went to help Michelle make lunch. As it turned out, Michelle was a very good cook which was no surprise seeing as she worked in her father's restaurant and all 5 Wilson siblings loved the food she had made. The Autobots had even gotten to taste some while using their holoforms and also approved of it. Getting used to the new normal of having an extra person on base wasn't easy though, especially with twins who loved to pull pranks and an ex-Wrecker who loved experimenting…


	5. Chapter 5

Unofficial rules for the base chapter 5

Over the next few days, Michelle was getting used to life on the Autobots' base though she sometimes wondered why Wheeljack felt the need to replicate scenes from science fiction and fantasy movies and television shows. That was going to be one of the subjects of the next list of rules which she was writing as Lisa was out with friends, with Bumblebee accompanying her to ensure her safety. The brunette human woman started typing them out:

_51. Wheeljack, you are refrained from attempting to create things from science fiction films, novels, and TV shows in order to prevent harm from coming to the humans and Autobots on base._

_52. Optimus Prime has asked for everyone to please not make fun of his being a fan of _Star Trek.

_53. Anybody who flirts with or otherwise gives unwanted romantic-style attention to anyone on base will have to go to Optimus Prime's office._

Michelle sighed; she had gotten some unwanted flirting from Sideswipe and Sunstreaker which annoyed her. "Why are you flirting with me when we're different species?" she had asked. Neither twin could come up with a good answer and Optimus had scolded them.

_54. Humans, food fights are not allowed._

_55. No one is to steal the humans' clothing and hang it from a flag pole._

_56. Anyone who harms Rhythm will have to deal with Jazz and Emerald's wrath._

_57. Please no offensive jokes._

_58. Any pranking, if caught, will be appropriately punished and restitution will be given to the victims._

_59. The humans on base are to stay away from the energon cubes as if one spills on a human, the results can be catastrophic._

_60. No one is to interrupt Elita One and Optimus Prime when they are spending time with their adopted human children unless it's an emergency._

Michelle sighed with relief and went to print out the list of rules. She took the paper to Prowl's office and went to get Bumblebee to see if he could take her to get the groceries for the next 2 weeks. Shopping with Autobots wasn't too problematic, except if one of the younger Wilson siblings tried to shoplift junk food but that had only happened once when Brandon had tried to sneak out a bag of candy and Elita One had made him return it to where he found it.

When the human girl had found him, Bumblebee contacted Optimus. "Permission to go with Michelle to get human fuels for this week." he asked via comlink.

"Permission granted." the Autobot leader replied. "Please try to be back within 2 hours."

"I will make sure that we are. Bumblebee out."

The Autobot scout then transformed into his Camaro alt mode and Michelle climbed into the passenger's seat. Bee had soon turned his holoform on and off the 2 went to get food for this week, not realizing that the 'cons had plans for Michelle...


	6. Chapter 6

Unofficial rules for the base chapter 6

While at the grocery store, Michelle had been going through some items on a shelf in the breakfast food aisle to try to find the kind of oatmeal she liked when some red headed guy came up to her and started flirting with her. Bumblebee was in his holoform, that of a blonde haired college aged human with brown eyes and yellow and black clothing, and standing nearby.

"Why do you think that making bad puns based on breakfast food is a good idea when it comes to flirting?" Michelle asked when the redhead had asked her if he could "be the butter on your toast".

"I agree with her, Knockout." Bee replied; he recognized the holoform and the voice of this man.

Knockout's holoform facial expression had now changed from flirty to angry. "No surprise you figured out who I was, Autobot." he stated coldly, grabbing Michelle.

"You stay away from me you freak!" the human girl shouted at the 'con medic, struggling to get free. "What do you want from me anyway?"

Knockout didn't answer; he just dragged Michelle away while Bumblebee called for backup. Oh, the 'con medic wouldn't rape Michelle since he found human interfacing disgusting, but he would bring her to the other Decepticons for interrogation as they wanted information that could be used against the Autobots.

That plan of course was not successful as several Autobots, specifically the Aerialbots, Optimus, Elita One, and Ironhide, were outside the supermarket waiting for the Decepticon medic. The fight was short but at least Michelle was saved and was soon able to finish the grocery shopping before everyone who had been present escorted her back to base.

Now here it was a few hours later and Lisa was preparing to write another section of rules. Hopefully, this would be the last one she would have to do.

_61. Everyone is to remember not to throw a tantrum when they lose a video game or the game in question will be banned entirely. _

_62. Wheeljack, you are not allowed to experiment on Michelle. End of story._

_63. Autobots, be mindful of where you step; you will have to have Optimus Prime's wrath if you accidentally step on a human or other living thing from Earth with the exception of mosquitoes._

_64. Also be mindful of fan girls and fan boys; they can get very emotional easily or at least most of them can._

_65. No one is to tell horror stories on Halloween; Optimus and Elita One are very paranoid about Michelle's and ours, that is my siblings' and my, safety and overprotective enough as it is._

_66. When we are having company over, particularly someone from the government, please respect them and no pulling pranks._

_67. Anyone who is an Autobot is not allowed to have a camera for personal use since the twins keep blackmailing everybody._

_68. No one is to touch my art supplies unless you ask first._

_69. All of us humans are to be mindful about Decepticons possibly spying on us when we go out in public._

_70. All of the above rules are to be obeyed at all times; Optimus Prime and Prowl will decide the appropriate punishment for those who break them._

"Phew, that's the last one." Lisa said to herself as she printed the list and wheeled to Prowl's office to give them to him; she couldn't go in just yet though since the Aerialbots were being lectured about something to do with doing dangerous stunts...


End file.
